Lions, Tigers, and Bears, OH MY!

“Mom, are you doing anything today?”

The text came in as I was starting guinea pig cages.

“Yes I am. Why?  Flexibility is available today.”

We quickly discussed what time we would meet that afternoon so he could get his package from the UPS store and I hurried off to finish cages!  My oldest was taking advantage of her day off and sleeping so cages were fairly easy to get done (kids!  They are always underfoot no matter how old they get 😉 ) and I was able to get several chores finished before heading out the door.

“OMW in 5. Meet @ Holiday.”

I wasn’t thinking of much when I jumped into the car except it was a good opportunity to spoil myself with a store-bought pack of cigarettes!  IK IK but every once in a while it is a treat!  That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  As I pulled up to the convenience store there was a man with a bike asking for money!  I have a soft spot for those that bike around this potentially frozen town, but I had no cash to give him!  Besides!  It does NOT cost $10 to get on the bus!  (My oldest child uses a variety of public transport to get where she’s going!)  As I apologized to him I caught a flash of movement to my right!  Turning to look and see what it was I opened the door!  The thought ‘there’s trouble floated through my brain!  I popped off to my kid that I was cutting in line!  He’s so stoic he only raised an eyebrow at me while an older gentleman said; “He was in front of me!”  OPPS I giggled and said told all of them I was only kidding!  That’s when the lady I’d seen outside came into the store!  I knew it was a bad deal when the cashier said “not today!”  and tried to stay composed (She did an amazing job at it!)

This woman proceeded to drop mighty “F” bombs all over that poor lady!  She was very, very aggressive!  I’m actually a tad surprised she didn’t attempt to jump the counter!  To say I was a tad stunned as I took 2 steps backward would be an understatement!  Even as an adult; almost 24; I remember checking to make sure my ‘boy’ was behind me!  Her eyes we black, pitch black and full of hate as she violently pointed and screamed at the lady behind the counter!  Then she muttered something else and left!  When I got outside the man with the broken bike looked at me in shock and echoed my words to the cashier; “WOOOOW!!!!”  “IKR!!” came out of my mouth as I jumped into my car and took off!

After a few minutes of driving I commented to my son that he was awfully quiet today!  He informed me that the kitten he was buying was the runt of the litter and would be delayed because he’s not been fixed yet!  I did the mom thing of reminding him it really could be worse!  I love to hate this boy of mine! Spock has nothing on my kid’s ability to logical and rational 99% of the time, even about his feelings!  I fought with him for years about that one!  This child would wear martyrdom as a cloak when he was younger!  I remember one time he came up to me and very solemnly stated that his brother and sister were hungry and so he was gonna take the time to make them something to eat.  Because I am also my grandfather’s granddaughter as he is his great grandfather’s great grandson I know I had the same look on my face at the time that he was wearing today!

“In other words you are hungry and wanting to cook lunch, and because you are feeling generous A. and R. will get some to?  I good with that but just come out and say it next time! I would say save the drama for your momma, but this mom doesn’t do well with it; perhaps your grandmother?”

Some fourteen years later he did just that:

I’m allowed to be disappointed this time mum. I’ve waited a long time for him.
Yes son, you are!!!  You have been waiting for a while and you were super pumped!  It really could be worse but I get it!
Thanks!  Besides maybe I’m just Hangry.
Ok but don’t let your belly button eat through your backside next time!  Not a good thing!

I proceeded to get more paint and his lunch without further incident!  Sure enough; after he’d eaten some Wendy’s (OY VEH!!!  KIDS!!!); he perked back up and started answering to my gentle teasing.  As drove the road up to his work we both happily complained about how horrible the pot holes were!  After dropping him off I headed to the store to pick up the literally almost nothing I needed!  I literally ended up behind every blessed, sweet, and SLOW senior on the roads!  It was kinda ok though because it gave me time to reflect on 14+ years of hard child rearing!  I mean the kid is formidable!  He doesn’t get angry often but when he does you can bet your bottom dollar he’s counted the cost and is willing to pay it!  A strong gentle giant is my young man!

I remember one time I came into the living room to him homicidal mad and his little brother was the target!  I had like NO TIME to defuse whatever was going on!!!  I walked right up to my kid and POPPED him on the jaw!  The whole time I was thinking “Please don’t kill me son!”

What I just did was inappropriate and what you’re about to do is inappropriate!
ARE WE DONE NOW?”
Yeah mom thanks.  I was gonna…
IK IK son little brothers and sisters can be a pain.  Go calm down!

I had taken so much crud from everyone on how to raise my kids that it was a serious win for me and it felt really good!  Even as a former feminist I never liked a hen-pecked man or woman and I’d killed myself for years to instill that in my kids.  Men are men and women are women!  Equal but different!  It had taken by the grace of God Himself!  Just a shining tribute that He is able to redeem the places where hubby and I had either torn down (by action and word) or shoddily built (through ignorance) our children’s walls!  YHVH had been the united front in the face of our brokenness and I was getting to see the fruit!

Any who…

I walked into the store to… spilled  EVERYWHERE!  I do mean everywhere!  There was a man red-faced   on the floor, smooshed up against the desert display, with another man on top of him!  The guy on the ground was screaming MIGHTY MOTHER ‘F’ bombs in between “I’ll kill you …”s  and shouting that he wanted an ambulance called!  I felt like a deer in the head lights as I looked for a way around them!  I really should have listened when the thought of entering through the liquor store entered my mind but I didn’t and here I was!  I ended up going past them again on my way to the liquor store!  The guy was still down but the store employees had responded well containing it all!  The guy at the counter informed the lady in front of me what had happened!  A shop lifted had swung at undercover security!  Like”WOOOOO”!!!!!  I was stunned that they had under cover security!  I don’t steal any more so I don’t have to watch for them!  Well will ya look at that!  Something grandpa had tried to teach me has taken! 😉 As I drove home I contemplated how deeply the Father had removed that old chapter of my life!

The Father invites us to come and reason with Him promising that even our darkest sin will be washed white as snow and I love coffee and quiet!  The perfect recipe for a conversation about the day with the One who ordained it for me to experience and learn from!  Having ADHD + dyslexia means I need a ton of questions answered to learn anything!  Can we say awesome recipe for intimacy?

As we spoke who, what, where, and why  questions began to fill my brain!

Why were these 2 people allowed into my universe (uni – one; verse-song)?
What was my part to play in this orchestra?
Who could they become if allowed to grow?*

*(through YHVH all is possible if we
will but allow it {His will [in all facets
applying to everything] to be)

Where could this go if someone loved them enough to pray for them?

Could this perhaps be the reason they’d been allowed into my awareness, so that I will pray and He will be able to move for them?

Were His hand legally tied in their lives?
Did He desire to see them live?

Change your perspective – Change your life

I’m a mom and girl and it is true that the moods of those close to me affect me!  I did have a hard time with it but I ALSO had the ability to articulate (speak) my feeling out loud and thus accept or deny them!

I live in Alaska and until recently this didn’t happen in my neighborhood!  I was indeed unsettled by these two rapid fire incidents!

So there was an ACTIVE, WILLING, CHOICE in front of me!

Do I take on my understanding of what was going on and wallow in upset and sorrow?

OR

Do I take on His understanding of it all rejoice that He’d given me a target to fire at and encouragement to accomplish and take ground!

So many times in our lives; or at least in mine; we look at these attacks and intrusions as a result of something!  As our feelings overwhelm us we fail to properly organize and label them thus missing the encouragement and/or opportunity!  We as ‘Why me’ questions instead of ‘Why did You’ questions!  It’s quite narcissistic in my opinion!  These feeling scare us so much that we deny feeling them!  That makes us angry and we do the equivalent of a child in a corner screaming ‘I hate you Daddy’!  Then we run off to sulk and pout and perhaps even guilt YHVH into giving us our DELUSION of what WE desire!

BUT

Unlike me; a human mother who had to wait 14+ years to see results; Abba already sees and knows the results! So indeed He is NOT doing things TO US!  He is doing things FOR US! There are many reasons; and if you want to know the why’s and wherefore’s of your own life you must ask and TRUST Him and His GOOD INTENTIONS for you and those you love!

15 years ago when my kids were in time out I am sure they weren’t thinking ‘mom is doing this so I will have a good life!  Oh no my kids were vocalizing their anger at being nailed with “You like them more than me!” and “I’ll do what I want!  You can’t stop me!”  Those are the ones I remember hearing the most but there are many more they only thought!  Probably a smart idea!  Fortunately for us YHVH is not restricted to His ears so He deeply knows what is going on with us!  He does everything He can (what we will allow Him to do) to teach us how break the cycles of death in us and cause the cycles of life to grow!  Just as I am sure that that lady did not think the drugs or alcohol would eventually take her to such a shameful place; I am sure that most of us do not consider shameful place holding on to our version of truth will take us in the end!

Forgiveness is a brutal sacrifice!  We want to hold on to our pain or irritation!  “It’s my pain!  They did it to me!” The brutal comes in letting go of our version of truth; our dirty cloak of self perceived righteousness; and taking on His version of righteousness!  Honestly as often as that calf jumps off the altar we MUST slay it again and put it back on the fire until it is consumed fully!

The final questions are these:

When you or I were wrapped up in our sins did we REALLY know what we were doing, or did we think we were having a grand ol’ time?

Who was playing us then and would adore playing us now as he wishes to set his throne above the King of Glories throne?

Were we deserving of His mercy; NO; but we sure are grateful for it right?

Does not knowing all who interceded for me stop me from paying that forward in this situation?

As I remember her cold, dead eyes and his mottled red face I find my heart breaking for them!  What if that was my child right there!  But for the grace of God there go I indeed!  Isn’t it sad?

In reality it is easy to say; “Forgive them Father!  They have no idea what they are actually doing! Your will be done in my life and in theirs!”

Selah…